| Why do bad things happen to okay people? |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|09:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | If I were home I'd be listening to Rilo Kiley. | ] |
The only time I have access to the internet anymore is at Brian's house or school... and school has been doing this
pesky web sense thing. The past couple of weeks have been weird and fun and bad. My grandfather died and ironically it seems like the best thing that's happened to my family in awhile. Just because everyone can now stand to be in the same room. I considered going back to online school and booking it to Denver for a little while to be with Andrea and to not be here (equally appealing). But there's too much going on right now, so that plan took a back burner. School is okay, I'm always getting a Friday detention or an I.S or a speech on my potential or how many doors I'm closing and it'd be a shame and blah blah blah,it seems like. Boys=satan's minions. That's the last time my dumb ass jumps into the hypotenuse of a schizophrenic commitment phobic triangle. That was one long week of unpleasant.
There are absolutely no shows I want to go to here until Emery and even that's only sorta and it's one more reason to hitch hike to Colorado because Thursday and Taking Back Sunday will be there in the same week and I'm babbling because I definantly don't want to do my anatomy assignment. What fifth grader needs another book on central nervous system diseases? None I know, none I know. |
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| He drove his car into the navy yard, just to prove that he was sorry. |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|12:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | some indie band on some mix c.d | ] |
So I did a four day stint in the psych. ward at university hospital. Um.Yeah. That was an experience. On our last night, I turned to my 11 year old room mate with "anger management" issues and asked her if she was excited to be going home. She hesitated and said "kind of". I knew exactly what she meant.
But I'm very very very (did you get that?very?) happy to be able to make a phone call without the consent of a nursing staff.
Today in the car on the way to school, while listening to Death Cab For Cutie, mind you, I started crying because I was so happy. I don't even know what I was happy about. I swear I'm schizo.
I'm in this music appreciation class, it's amazing. We don't do a goddamned thing but...listen to music. Of our choice. And go on livejournal. I wonder if I could make a career out of this some day.
Andrea might be coming for the summer, before I go to California. We'll both be where we're meant to be again, for a change. |
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| Sorry about the phone call, but some decisions you don't make. |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|12:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | death! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Faint-Your retro career melted | ] |
This is my first livejournal entry in a long time, because I despise this web site. This web site despises me. But my myspace bloggity-blog just won't work and Andrea's probably the only person who will ever see this anyway. I'm eating a cheese-tomato-honey mustard-bbq potato chip crossaint sandwhich. I think I'm the only person in the world who can say they're doing that. I keep forgetting to go to school. I keep wanting the wrong people. Which is everyone, because no one wants me anymore. I don't blame them. If this were anytime before two months ago I would wiggle around and say at least I have my friends. I do have them. Except they are trapped in my cell phone and computer. I do not know what it feels like to look way too fashionable in a group of three giggling girls anymore. I don't know what it feels like to skip a class and go to wal mart, or to watch clueless with mounds of candy. I don't know what the word "beautiful" stands for. Was I ever? Because I used to feel it. Did I ever know my silly emo music? Did I ever not sleep all day? Was there a time before these retarded scars on my wrist, when I didn't care if I O.Ded or not? When did I start fucking selling myself out to shallow scene boys? When did I think love was a state of being and not just some word I was desperate to hear someone say to me?
I just want someone to say it to me. To be right next to me, not thousands of miles away or too busy with their other friends and life to say it to me. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|01:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
It's very possible I am a sociopath. You have been warned.
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| If I didn't know better... |
[May. 4th, 2005|05:08 pm] |
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Lol omg! It's fucking raining out again! I hate being alone when this goes on. I probably shouldn't be using the computer, but this little box is all I've got besides the kitties and they don't talk...and they keep twitching. Anyway. Today I was supposed to go out for the first time in forever, but thanks Florida! I'm not going to. Baaaack to basics then. |
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| Terrible eyebrow lines |
[May. 3rd, 2005|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bowl of Oranges-Bright Eyes | ] |
I update this thing like twice a day now, since I've been doing online school. Anyway. I'm proud of myself, because I'm finishing everything pretty fast so I think I can graduate by the time I'm 17. It helps that it's ridiculously easy. I think that in the past year a lot of things I thought were good ended up sucking. Which is okay, I guess it just shows you can't put to much faith in people. But stuff was good. However, the way that things ended up sucking makes me wonder if they were ever good at all. ::scratches head:: Guess you're not supposed to think about it to much. My schedule is way weird now, what with going to sleep in the afternoon and waking up at night. I feel vampirific. And my complexion is kinda luekemia patient esque. It's definantly time to stop sulking and pick myself back up. I think that there's a two week moping period allowed after shitty people and things happen, and then out of common decency you're supposed to get over it. My two weeks are up. |
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| Swirly danger wind |
[May. 3rd, 2005|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Paranoid | ] |
| [ | music |
| | AFI-morning star | ] |
I am creeped out. It's dark outside, and I'm home alone, and it's the one day I'm not sleeping the whole day. And it's rainy and did I mention I'm home alone? Er,scary things scary things. What if this turns into one of those week long mini series dramas where there is a fatal tornado, and I am the tragic teen, home alone, hiding in the bathtub, simultaneously battling the wast high water with a sand bucket and avoiding swinging power lines, and then it turns into one big Left Behind novel?!?!?!?!?! HELP ME. |
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| Very stolen survey thing |
[May. 3rd, 2005|02:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Camera Obscura-teenager | ] |
[get to know me]
Name: Nicole
Age: 16
Height: 5'8 or 9ish
Birthday: 1.16
Sign: capricorn
Hair Color: ummm...light brown and orangey red ish. Possibly, but it's up for debate.
Eye Color: blue
Heritage: Colombian, Ecuadorian, Romanian, French
Parents Together?: nope
Siblings?: my sister, Jennifer
[schooling]
Elementary School: our lady of lakes, joella C. good
Middle School: Norland Middle.
High School:Pompano beach high, broward virtual
College: Probably BCC for the first two years, and then an actual university for two years after that
Favorite Elementary School Memory: Eh, the field trips,because they always involved animals. And my mom decorated my paper bags.
Favorite High School Memory: Aw.Hm. Spending lots of time with Mandi and Brian, meeting Andrea, making out with Ryan.
[hygiene
Shower How Often?: About once a day. Sometimes I skip a day because I'm a bum.
Morning or Night Showers?: Morning if I'm going somewhere, night otherwise
Brush Teeth How Often?: twice a day
Shampoo Brand: Dove
Soap/Body Wash Brand: Dial spring fresh!
Face Wash Brand: Kiss My Face
Toothbrush Color: purple
[love, hate, rejection, and all the fun stuff.]
Define Love: Oooh no, that would be to pretentious.
Have you ever mistaken love for lust?: no
Have you ever been in love?:yep
What happened?: didn't work out
Have you ever been used?: maybe, ask the potential users.
What happened and why?:
Have you ever used someone?: I don't think so
What happened and why?:
Ever been dumped?: yes
Ever dumped?: yes
Worst hugger: lol, I just hate those one armed hugs. Why even bother hugging?
Best hugger: ::sigh::
Are you friends with any of your exes?: *sigh* no.
Nicest romantic thing done for you: Aw um, lots of things. I think riding a bike from a different city to mine takes the cake. And a build a bear, because a grown boy building a bear is silly.
[play favorites]
TV Show: Gilmore Girls. Shutup.
Movie: garden state, titanic, saved, finding neverland, star wars
Solo Artist: Conor Oberst, it counts cause all his bands are temporary.
Band/Group: Sheesh. Including but not limited to: Rilo Kiley, Cursive, Incubus, the red hot chili peppers, hot hot heat...
Soundtrack: garden state or star wars.lol.
Song: at the moment, "It's cool, we can still be friends" by Bright Eyes and "Nothing I haven't seen" by Beck
[favorites]
Color: purple
Slang Word: all of them. Oh yes, all of them.
City: Miami, it's the only semi good one I've been to so far.
Season: winter
Article of Clothing: my peach flouncy skirt.
Sport to Watch: ice skating.lol.
Sport to play: ballet?
Animal: just about everything but snakes. nothing personal though. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2005|03:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beck-Nothing I haven't seen | ] |
OOOh being sad sucks. |
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| Marvin, you was a friend of mine, and you could sing the song |
[May. 1st, 2005|05:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Sooo this weekend...was good. Yep. Saw sin city, which was all kinds of disturbing, but I rather liked it. Um, got stuff. New stuff. Sparkly shiney things. Got $9.50. My mind is blank for this updating thing. I was all psyched to make an update. I think I actually have more live journal fodder when I'm in a bad mood. But I had this dream, where I was sitting on a fence with my grandmother, and there was a space movie airplane that exploded above us, and I flew away. And a wing landed on my grandma. And then I was at pompano, and Ryan was wearing a bright orange fitted hoodie and had really long hair, and he was acting like a bitchy scene kid. And then I tackled Andrea, but she went off with weird people, so I walked to her house, and knocked on her neighbors door for the key,and she was ranting about something in her underwear. And then I dreamed that I had a baby, and thought I was pregnant again...but it was really just stress? And the doctor had bloody tubey things in her bath room. I'm so troubled. It was all very daunting, and relieving to wake up to real life. A series of unfortunate events was over rated. It was'nt very well developed. But the kids were cute. As well as the big snake thing. Light jazz is really going to be the downfall of modern music. |
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| quizzy quizzy quiz |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|06:37 am] |
INFP - the Healer
You scored 27% I to E, 10% N to S, 33% F to T, and 73% J to P! |
You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word "Healer", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type.
As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF)
Your type summary: INFP
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 33% on I to E |
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You scored higher than 4% on N to S |
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You scored higher than 27% on F to T |
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You scored higher than 81% on J to P |
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| There's no way to change this, so I just photographed and framed it |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|10:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Maroone commercial-it's not marino,it's maroone | ] |
The way things have been going is so weird. I'm just sitting back and listening to everyone else's life. And I don't have a desire yet, to get out there and make something new for myself. But I know that I can't just sit here forever. I was wondering the other day, what keeps people wanting to wake up after everytime they go to sleep and for me, I think it's just curiousity. My books and movies are piled up and the T.V's always on. The phone rings, and it's always some friend with some story to share, and I'm so glad that lately they've all been good things. But I haven't called anyone like that, in almost a year, with how excited I am. Everything's working out for everyone, and it's a completely beautiful thing, but lately I've got nothing but sex and the city repeats. And it's not an Eeyore style complaint, it's just fact. I don't feel sorry for myself, even though I know it sounds that way. I just feel like I don't exist. However, everyone feels that way at some point, so I'm going to shut the fuck up already, and enjoy my chocolate tofutti. Oh, and on the bright side, I might actually have a future. I have an A in all my classes, except Spanish which is a B. And there's some hanging outage with real life people tommorow, my wonderful Ms.Andrea and...dun dun dun...Ryan,because we're not being bitter exes anymore. Also tommorow, there's fake meat product with soy-cheesey mushrooms. Which is damn yummy. Ah,there's still purpose in life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|04:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Some mob movie | ] |
So I feel a lot more calm after talking to Audrey and doing some stuff for school and finally finishing the paint in my room. My room looks like a room now. I can lay in my bed, and be content. Anyhoo. Earlier, I was freaking out over some things and people that just aren't worth my freaking out. I don't know, it sucks to feel like you've been lied to about who someone really is. By the someone. I don't understand how people do that. It's really superficial and useless. I have so many mean things I want to say, but I'm trying to keep them in because they won't do anyone any good. However, I would recommend that none of you ever date a mall goth. And I think that I'm never going to try to fix things with people who have already written me off ever again. If someone decides to get rid of me, why should I be sympathetic to them and offer my friendship anyway? They are obviously not worth it. So thanks to the flaming assholes who've brought me that peace of mind. I know I'm being hypocritical. If it weren't for second chances,I'd have a lot less friends. But right now I feel like being hypocritical, I want to rant and let the world know that I,Nicole insert last name here, am quite pissed off at the way things have turned out,wheather it's my own fault,or fault of the said assholes.Everything Robert Dinero does is of good quality, aside from "meet the parents". This entry is to "I,I,I". |
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| Warm and fuzzies |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|05:13 pm] |
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I feel completely contaminated having been friends with some of the people I have in the past year. If you think you know who you are,you're probably right, and I don't care how immature it is,here's a big fuck you. I am over you, and I don't want you to ever even think of me again. |
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| Stolen, distastefully,from reuben |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|06:34 am] |
Think of 10 friends and where you see them in 10 years.Because I did.
Ryan- Is the CEO the United Negroe College Fund, after loosing his looks in a pyrotechnics accident while attempting death metal stardom. Has a strait jacket in the back room he ties his wife up with every Saturday night,after the kids have gone to sleep.
Audrey-Lives and works as a Gay Fetish photographer in Finland,where she can get away with living in disgusting conditions. Married to a man 6 years younger with blue hair.
Andrea-Will have just left civilized society behind, now living as a hermit in the mountains of a place I can not disclose. Known as the village narcoleptic.
Reuben-Freshly released from the "funny farm", he will track Audrey down and insist that she take nude photos of him. Upon her refusal, he will become the head of the morally questionable Finnish mafia.
Keaten-In jail, after attempted murder of her mother. Calls herself Darlene.
Nadia-Starring in an acclaimed off broadway musical,married to a plastic surgeon,sends me money and advice bi-monthly.
Brian-Straight,paranoid schizophrenic stock broker.
Mandi-Raising cattle in Wisconsin, lost contact with me after highschool due to her short lived travelling gypsy act.
Kaypree-Started a revolution in "indie rock", resides in North Carolina with her lover, two dogs,and autographed Rivers Cuomo picture. Fends off record deals daily.
Jose- Dead of a drug overdose. Or possibly AIDS. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|04:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chocolat babble | ] |
Dear God,I couldn't let that be my last entry. Andrea snores and I'm an insomniac. It's almost dawn and I feel like doing somersaults. I noticed how seriously magical the world is today, and I'm really happy about some choices I've made lately. Things aren't perfect and I'm not going to sit around trying to convince people they are,or that life has done me some grand injustice, and that's something I know I'll always have that in some people, just seems to be non-existent. I'm not saying I'm better than them, but fuck, it's nice to admire something about myself. I feel like at least I can be honest. There are so many things wrong with me, but it's something I can swear to,I won't ever lie to anyone,about anything. That's very George Washington and the cherry tree. But it's what I know. Unless of course, for instance, Audrey accidentally killed a sheep right? And then she would be killed if the sheep herder found out. So in order to save her life, I will say I saw who did it and he is halfway across the country. But he was menacing so I did not stop him. That's one exception. But in genereal. Yeah. Honesty. Good. And ya know, it's quite weird but I officially think cake is repulsive. I saw the raw cook book today and it all looked delectable. I read today that with a degree in English, you can go into fashion merchandising. That seems a bitty bit eh, pointless?Eh?
Psssht.::waves:: Ryan?Hi. Don't be mad. I'm not even sure that you actually ARE mad, but it's a guess. I just called to say hi the other day. And then last night, I was at dinner with Andrea and could not talk. So I don't know what your deal is honey child, if you were um,serious about being all that frustrated,or if you were doing something you thought,once again, was funny.Lol anyway. You have my explanation either way. Enjoy the rest of web design :)Oh, and jesus man, next time you leave a voicemail like that, could ya specify your mood? I really do still want to be your friend, you're so special to me. So I don't want there to be any weirdness. I hope you don't want any weirdness either.Much loooove. Good bye! |
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| I'm so sorry faithful readers.Really. |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|02:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the faint-they are sooo sexy | ] |
So I am sorry about this everyone,really. Though Andrea and I got bored,and noticed all the "Weekend recaps" that no one gives a shit about, "kewls","pwned", and "totally amazing"'s,and "hellz ya"'s floating around on livejournal. And we decided to be part of the fun. Again, I am sorry. And enjoy.
My Super Kewl Weekend
(Saturday started out almost amazing. I woke up and Jen and I headed out for the mall where I looked for a bday present for Andrea. We found this a super amazing necklace set and then went to get our hair did and she decided I needed a pedicure so now I have sexy toes. I <3 my sister, she also got me vegan chocolate muffins. Then we went to Macy's and I got a super awesome skirt and shoes. Then we stopped at Walgreens and got mother's day crap. I hung out with the kitties then Andrea came over and we went to Sally's and CVS and then to dinner at an amazing French restaraunt and they totally made vegetarian food especially for us. Then my mom called during dinner and bitched me out but it was okay because Ardiana and Andrea were liek, totally and amazingly and wonderfully and beutifully understanding and so I love my friends. Then we went back to Andrea's and she opened present and we got totally kwel gift bags and they had a cute cake. We all talked for a long time and watched fear and loating in las vegas and did bendy split things. Finally we went to sleep at liek 6 a.m. I woke up at 2 and Brian was over so we all went to Whole Foods and stole Soy delicious ice cream. Then we went to Barnes and Noble where I wanted a bunch of awesome books liek The star wars cookbook, bohemian paris, and the ice queen. Brian's mom picked us up and on the way back Stickbug called and said his gf is pregnant though she's not so i got pwned. Damn him and Knome. When we got back to Andrea's apartment I did school for an hour and super kewl Andrea helped. Then we made the best past EVAR. Using pasta shells, peanut sauce, honey (Vegan's not eating honey is shit. I don't like the preversion of nature anymore than the next hippie, but my honey remains) mixed veggies, pecans, and cranberries. Then we made hemp bracelets and failed, and looked for corsets online (f'in 300 dollars), now here we are, mocking you uncool bitches. Jk,jk, you're not bitches. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|06:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
About to go to the sister's, mmmm food, hungry. ::drools::
Watch out for my spear!
You Are a Hunter Soul |
You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed
Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas.
You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding.
You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force.
An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people.
You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor.
People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all.
You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone.
Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul
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